A special delivery for you :)

.: WISHES :.

I wish I could see through your eyes so I would know what you like to see. I wish I knew your wishes, so I could give you everything you want. I wish I dreamed the same dreams you do, and together we could make them come true. I wish I knew what makes you happy, so I could make you the happiest person in the whole world. And lastly, I wish I were a cell in your blood, so I would be sure I was somewhere in your heart


.:I LIKE HIM BUT I LOVE YOU:.

Reminiscence of all three plays, between you,me and him

KA: There was someone,who entered, into your life when he was sincerely with you.and not so-fortunately, you liked the new person more.I guessed I should shoot you to death.But I didn't

FI: I was in the position to make finalized arbitration,overtake of my own hopelessness
,to completely be his special part.Of the deflected consequence,I would have him and lose you.I should have done it.immediately.without hesitation.But I didn't

KM: I was just trying to find my way out.But you had put an undercover restraint toward me..,
not to seek the forth person.And,fractionally, I wanted to pursue non-compliance toward your demand,as that was 'me' time.I was in need of my want.I thought I should ignore yours.But I didn't

Affirmative to all my 'DID NOT' s.,I did those.., not because I wanted to please you,or for you,to praise me.It was plainly because I,in just liking HIMS but I,in absolute loving YOU

.: SAYING:.

"God creates you as my bestie because He knows my mom cannot handle us,both, as SISTERS"

ROTFL ............................................................................................................................


at last.., "Happy 18th Birthday,KIASATINA OTHMAN"
p/s: I always sayang u lebih dari u sayang i lah.hehe
IM NOT A LESBO. YOUR CRITICAL THINKING DOES NOT IMPLIES ON THIS STATEMENT

Sometimes a broken heart is a happy heart

Wittily uttered,through lives,.I'm hoping from a big fat nothing toward a skinny skim something. becoming gay for glee. hallucinated .

on the array of my life, i rummage my sealed heart to find the meaning of love. without any secondly hesitation, i know how to wait quietly, i know how to fake smile and i know how to manage a good laugh. to be exact, im running away from being too dependent and broken

sometimes it's comely and unburden some , other times it will be a rough walks with its up and downs, turns and twists..however somehow,it reminds me why to stay alive and it even give me the glimpse of heaven

yes,..when I bite off more than I can chew.,through this all,there is no doubt. I eat it up and spit it out. Face it all and I stand tall, and I do it my way. I set him free because I love him. and because I love him,I lock myself up. Hoping him to release me.


"The worst pain in the world is knowing that he meant everything to you but you meant nothing to him. But, life goes on once you realize your own strength inside of you: the strength to realize that saying goodbye doesn't mean that you don't love the person anymore or that you don't want to keep them in your life. It doesn't mean you're weak. It means that you've the strength to let go and live your life to the fullest because you've learned that life really is good. You are strong and can only be as happy as you choose.".

Of all changes,,I would remember these one :)

Replenishing for a new me..

1) I boxed my old thingies up. Resulting for an enormous waste of money to replace much everything. P/s: Poor daddy :)

2) A fashion disaster. I'm no longer intended to impress others,so..,its better for me to turn UGLY!gulp!

3) Gained my muchness. I wanted to be transformed into another creature.Beautifully created,yeah,..I wanted to be Alice

4) Being a second super mummy to baby ray,..I partially understand motherhood. and I..yeah,just love kiddos the way they are. stumble the trouble double . though . lol .

5) Personally thought that everybody should love every bossy. My mommy internally become a serious bossy MADAME. Hey, I could not say 'no' to any of her commandment.not even once. so,better fake a smile :)

6) Maturity is overrated. I still love barbie and I want to believe in fairytale. " Shoes can change your future. Doubted?? Ask Cinderella instead "

7) "At mere, I wait for a perfect guy to sweep off my feet away.Guess what? He is not coming !" .Full stop.

8) Fall in hate is better. cause love isn't everything.like seriously,..loosen up scream,count my blessing,just let go.the way it just be.

The day when I become 18

"Shriek of laughter and happy tears welcoming today"

That's the headline of the day when i was becoming an official-a legal lady.
I was smiling alone,drawing a smirk of foully smile.from an angle,I felt AWESOME. I had dreamed of the day since i entered my secondary,oh I supposed I was an over-barred person,aimed for actual big fat nothing. lol. However,deep in my bottomless open-ended mind,I had put a luminous hope,the day to be called 'pre-matured young lady',the day which reminded me on the reason why i created him from the first place,.the day when i had the subtle determining answer on loving him. visibly.
Countless of the times, I'm in love with u

Complicated legally young lady

Scrawling upon my intuition to be an ingenious legally young lady. i was gutted,.. by unabated thought of mind that i wasn't capable of it

To serve for nation,to instruct on the smooth machinery of social engineering and to extract errands from constitution. I was half blinded .

Safeguarding myself from applying the steam of positive thinking wholly,..I guessed I should adopt the deflected consequences to be transform into massive triumph

Further onward, to preserve for the antennae of leadership and the boldness of inalienable chronology. Substantially, I lost in my own imperfection.


To some extent.., I shriveled. Dwell in fear of failure, there was nothing much I could do to alter.
From now on, I was enormously in need for inspiration to succeed,..
or merely, I would never will. :)

Surreal saying

More of the things I've hidden from,have pushed away,pushed me to the front,pushed me down and pushed behind me were cascading out in embarrassing yet ambiguous mess..A mess that have been created at the first place without any concerns and others supervision..which destroys me into pieces,become vulnerable and coated with a film of guilt,anxiety and shame..Out of my sight,I'm a person who doesn't believe in L.O.V.E...Years and years being told as ugly,and terrorized by the Body Dimorphic Disorder..,builds the inner me,becoming defensive and living with a hard time dealing without the love ingredients. I've been bombarded with abuse by a different degree of peoples,from the ones I've known for ages,traitors and also strangers who only spend a single minute term to chew on perception,impression and opinion. Confession from the soul of mine "no matter how many times i was called beautiful,i would look into the mirror and see a ugly person"..its like for a few seconds i see what is there,then the haze disappears and i see this grotesque monster..-this have the type of scars that will never completely heal.I hope all sense of it proves me something fundamentally wrong..,and the love will goes to pass me by.SOON~

IM JUST A GIRL

I'm just a GIRL..with a dream that got the best of me.Of all illusions and reverie,I'm standing up to catch the clouds, blow the winds ,count the rains and paint the rainbows..up to every ages in my life,cycling the life's route,as i am on how it takes me,as i am on how it burdens me hence as i am on how it makes me 'me'..maybe who I'm today,ain't so far from yesterday.Because merely I'm just a GIRL. I don't know about tomorrows,because all i have is today.Whatever it takes,though it is beyond my power to predict the future,still, I want to skip the idle-nonprofit-creeping term of today's life,with loves and dares, through sugars and spices..Wrenching my heart to forget the past because I'm just a GIRL.Can i find a way to every part of me? I'm lost in my own sorority, my own grudge,my own history that showed me what living is for. Thus, I don't wanna hide anymore ..there is nothing out of reach. In a mean-while,Ive strengthen my wills,bruising my thoughts and nibbling my fears because I'm just a GIRL.Rather to describe myself as bicular,passive and hidden,I'm bow to commit myself for everyone.,but just that,I'm trembled to show the real me to others.Is there anyone who will bound to understand me,listening to every words of mine? Maybe someday,down the road, i will sit back and said to myself," I thought so I'm unpredictable, because I'm just a GIRL"..